Welcome to the Rock

"Paul said to Peter you gotta rock yourself a little harder."


The above quote is the first line in the song "Girl in the War" by Josh Ritter and is an obvious pun on Peter's name. This song is about doubt and fear, or so I believe. Peter and Paul are the main characters in the song, which actually has a pretty ambiguous meaning. So if you feel the desire to ruminate on a song then ruminate on this one. You could spend hours trying to interpret it (I know because a friend and I did one time). If you don't feel that desire, that is just as well. The song is still one of the greats to listen to.

I was thinking about this song this morning as I was reading through 2 Corinthians and one of the cross-references took me to 2 Peter. I like to view Paul and Peter as Stonewall Jackson and James Longstreet, or Patton and McArthur: Two great generals who were the two arms of one great cause (I am not saying that the Confederacy was a great cause; it was quite the opposite in fact. I am saying that their leader Robert E. Lee was a great man and he used them in devastating fashion). Just as Patton and McArthur were used in different ways in two greatly differing theatres, so, too were Paul and Peter used differently. However, while their tactics and targets differed at times their goal was one and the same: to establish the bride of Jesus. Similarly, just as Jackson and Longstreet were trusted with a full measure of authority and freedom to execute the instructions given to them, so too were Paul and Peter given full authority to execute the great commission using the talents and abilities given to them from their Commander in Chief.

As I read the final warnings of Paul to the Corinthians I noticed a verse that gave me pause. Paul told them to "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you- unless, of course, you fail the test (2 Cor. 13:5)." This statement is placed in the midst of a passage entreating them to test whether Paul and the apostles have failed the test of possessing the spirit of God. He says he trusts that they will find he has not failed. He mentions that he has considered himself weak in the flesh so he may be strong in the power of Jesus, so that he can do nothing against the truth but only for the truth. This verse was curious to me because the concept of humans testing themselves is one that I fear. It casts visions of men throwing themselves off of the top of the temple (see the temptation of Jesus), or men allowing snakes to bite them, or alcoholics going to a bar trusting that God will not let them fall off of the wagon. So naturally I wanted to look further into this puzzling verse. How does one examine or test himself?

The cross-reference given in my note sent me to 2 Peter 1:5-11 Which you can read here by copy and pasting the link to the browser bar: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Peter+1%3A5-11&version=ESV

Now what are these two saying here. What then is meant by testing or examining? They are obviously working in divine concert. I like how men writing at different times, to different people could be used as two cooperating verses that mutually explain each other. Well, taken together, Paul and Peter seem to be saying that we should search for those fruits in ourselves that identify us as a child of light. I do not take this to mean that we put ourselves in situations where our faith will be tested or where we can see God's intervention. Peter and Paul never say that in all of their letters (I am not saying this definitively but I am virtually certain that it is correct). There is much support in the bible for the fact that God will test us and direct us and lead us to places where we see his intervention. Forcing his hand is arrogant and disobedient. I think, however, that most people know that.

So what is testing here? Peter in verse 5 says that the believer should "make every effort." In another translation he uses the term "diligence." Whether you believe that it is our responsibility to choose to cultivate righteousness now that we are free from sin, or you believe that God brings these to bear free of our effort, it is still our responsibility to be diligently mindful of the qualities mentioned in the verses in 2 Peter. There are numerous opportunities everyday in the life of every child of God to be faithful and to display the fruits of the vine. Paul is admittedly speaking to a troublesome group of Corinthians and telling them to watch out lest they be given over to their sins and the church fail. He is telling them to test themselves to see if God has given them over to their sinful desires (Reprobation: it’s a cool word. Look it up and use it). He is telling us to search our hearts and souls to see if we desire and are making gains in the areas mentioned in 2 Peter to name a few. We don’t have to search very far either. We can pass or fail these tests every minute in our normal everyday life.

Paul and Peter seem to be telling us to rock ourselves a little harder. We are called to trust and rest in the fact that God will finish a good work in us while at the same time searching our conscience. There is plenty to mark and our spirit filled conscience should mark it. It takes patience and diligence to learn to search your conscience. Some of us may never have all surpassing assurance and peace that some speak about. We may always fight our doubts and fears of missing the bus. I recently read an article in Time magazine about Mother Teresa. It referred to many letters she wrote lamenting the fact that she felt cut off from God’s presence. Apparently, this was a consistent theme in her life that caused her pain for over 60 years. However, that did not stop her from completing her mission. She acted in the way the scripture had directed her despite her thorn. It is possible that this was her cross to bear for some reason. (Please do not attack that statement. It is only conjecture that was brought up in the article.)

The point is that “We will be known by our fruit” and we must search ourselves for these fruits. This seems to be what Paul meant when he told the Corinthians to test themselves. He was saying “Where is your fruit Corinthians?” How can you ever know if you are a child of Christ if you are never displaying or desiring the likeness of the Character of Jesus (righteousness)? So let’s test ourselves in faith. If we believe then let us with diligence gain goodness, knowledge, self-control (my biggest weakness), perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. The greatest of these is love which is a broader term than the way we mean it many times, but we are to pray for, desire, and cultivate all of these things simultaneously. And do not be discouraged because if you are a child of light then you have a powerful force behind you. These things will show themselves through your diligence because that is what God desires in all of his children and rest assured his desires will be realized.

So lets "pretend the dove from above is a dragon and our feet are on fire" (the second line from the song. Josh Ritter may be the new Bob Dylan without the social importance).

P.S. Feel free to attack the Bob Dylan statement. I am willing to let it go. I just really dig Josh Ritter.

Pickas

I just found my camera the other night. Turns out it was in my computer bag. I took a picture with my intermediate class today and it was pretty funny getting them to pose. We had to squeeze in pretty close because no one wanted to be front row. The girl in the red and white striped jacket second from left is Navy that I wrote about previously. The girl on the far left, Sokunna, just joined class today as she was brought in by her sister Kagna (pronounced Kanya) who is standing next to me. All of the girls are 21 or older. Kagna works for the government so that is pretty cool. I can't remember how old she is but I think she is mid twenties. The fellas are really funny. They live at the childrens home and take my class on their lunch break from school. Today, every time I walked out of the classroom to get something (which was about three or four times) they locked the door on me. It was funny that it did not get old. It was funny every time. They didn't even keep me out. As soon as I tried the handle, they unlocked it. Pretty benign joke. The one standing next to me is Thom (17) and next to him is Chomreon (15) and the Sochitra (14) on the far left. Thom has missed a few classes because he was playing snooker. He didn't even hide that from me. I asked him where he was and he said "I was playing snooker." Well he hasn't missed since so I can laugh about his audacity.

Funny little anecdote: Today Kagna was trying to ask me about the difference between Australian English and American English. She kept saying U.S. sty and Australian Sty. I had no clue what she was asking me. Turns out she was saying "Style" and was asking if the words are the same when they are pronounced with different accents (styles). This literally took me ten minutes to figure out and then three or four more minutes of pronounciation practice to say the word style.

The Rain Man Cometh

Last night I turned on the TV in my room before I was going to bed and the movie "Rain Man" was playing. I came in on the part where Tom Cruise's character Charlie Babbit was meeting his brother for the first time. He was also finding out that Raymond was actually his brother and not just a beneficiary named in their father's will. I'm still not quite clear on how he didn't know Raymond because I have seen the whole movie, just not at the same time. Charlie was trying to convince Raymond to come back to L.A. with him by tempting him with a Dodgers game. He was trying to say this to Ray and Ray kept going on about what days they were scheduled to play, what pitchers were in the rotation for what day. Finally Charlie landed on seeing a Dodgers game next Wednesday and they started walking back inside. While they were walking, Ray starts talking about his show coming on soon and it is a long way to L.A. and that he can't be off the ground for more than two or three hours tops. Everything he says is spoken in a sort of unaffected mumble with no expression while Charlie is talking over him and trying to steer him in the conversation. Ray cannot be steered though and this frustrates Charlie because Ray is impervious to logic and Charlie must realize this and slow down to find Ray's line of thinking.

Today, two days after Chinese New Year, only one of my students showed up to my intermediate English class. She happens to be the student who knows the least English in the whole class. She is a sweet girl named Navy (pronounced NarEE) and she really wants to learn English; I can tell this because she does not miss a class. When I ask her a question she looks around like she does not know who I am talking to. It is a true effort to talk to her because of her limited understanding. I feel bad too because she is always apologizing for her English. When I ask her how she is doing she always says "Yes". I'll take that as an "I'm doing fine." The challenge, however, is simply that she is in a class with people who are far beyond her. My other students are nearly conversational with their English. I can't just teach to the rest and ignore her though because she is so consistent. I, in times of short perspective, get a little frustrated that she was placed in an intermediate class when she belongs in a beginner one class.

As I said before, she was the only student to show up today. I had a worksheet prepared for the students today to review nouns, subjects, and objects. I feel that I made it pretty simple so that we could walk through it. She did very well in the first section after I explained to her the concept of an "example", like give me an example of a place (nouns are person, place, thing, or idea and I asked for examples of these things). The trouble came when I asked her to tell me the difference between a subject and an object. I asked her what a subject was and she said "Navy plays football," which is an example sentence that I used last week. I went with it and asked her what the subject was and she answered "Navy." I thought we were getting somewhere and asked why Navy was the subject in that sentence. She repeated the sentence. I said yes and then just told her what to write after a few more tries. She ended up remembering the concept but just could not tell what I was asking her. Then I made the mistake of creating a practice sentence that was a command with an "Understood You" for the subject. This was a bad idea as I found out that it might be a little advanced. She obviously wasn't going to get this one because it is for more advanced speakers, but, like a fool, I tried to teach it to her anyway instead of moving on the simpler concepts.

Let me underscore the fact that this whole class session was highlighted by the sheer effort we were both putting into trying to understand each other and be understood. About halfway through the explanation of "understood you" I asked her a question and she started mumbling the sentence to herself and saying the word's verb, subject, and object intermittently. This was happening as I was trying to ask her pointed questions to lead her to the answer. It began to remind me of the scene from "Rain Man" that I described earlier. She was mumbling like I almost wasn't there and I was asking her questions and talking over her. Keep in mind that I am not saying that this girl has any mental retardation or deficiency. That is not the point. She is actually pretty smart when you can speak her language I think. It just reminded me of it because as she was mumbling her thoughts and possible answers nonstop, I was plodding right ahead with my questions and statements. I paused for a second and realized what was happening. She knew that she was not even close to following me and she wanted me to see that she was working very hard to understand. So she was mumbling like Raymond because she didn't want to disappoint me. I would not make the same mistake that Charlie Babbit made with his brother for half the movie. I wanted to communicate and to find out what she is missing. I wanted her to know that I am not frustrated, and she is not failing me.

I told her to stop and take a deep breath with me. I told her it was okay that she didn't have the answer. I told her that she would learn because she comes everyday. I know I am a fast moving person in thought and conversation from time to time. I have to slow down however if I desire my students to learn. I like Navy a lot. I feel like I want to be her big brother. She is one of the oldest students in the class and yet she is behind everyone. I know she is ashamed of her English because she apologizes nearly every five minutes. The teacher is an intimidating figure in the East. It is not like the West. Students are afraid of their teacher and do not talk. The teacher tells them what to remember and they try not to look stupid in front of the teacher. I am working hard to set up an environment where they are not afraid to be wrong in front of me.

We took a break. I told her she was doing a good job and that I would see her tomorrow. We did not tackle the "understood you" and I think that I will cross that one off the curriculum. However, I understand Navy a little more now. She wants me to know how hard she is trying to understand. She has more notes in her pad than anyone else in the class. She does everything that I ask, which, if you are a teacher, you know is a nice break from the usual. We will tackle subjects and Objects another day.

I Was Already Bad A Shopping/food I don't need

Well it's official, I definitely need a chaperone to go shopping in a foreign country. I went to the grocery store the other day and ended up buying a bunch of things I had never seen before and was curious about. This did not bode well for me as I spent more than I should have and didn't even like it all. It also did not help that most of the food was labled in Thai. I didn't even get any staple foods. I got this blueberry milk that looked good and was, some dried fruit which I didn't end up liking, some sliced fresh fruit, a carton of about 25 fantas that were a flavor called Sarsi (turns out that means root beer so not great but could be worse), and a few packs of meat and some shampoo. I got home and realized that what I bought will hold me for about three days. Dangit. Oh yea, and I got soy sauce. I don't even have anything to put that on. See Jerry Seinfeld's description of grocery stores to hear a description of me shopping.

"Mesquite flavored potato chips... What is mesquite anyway... I wonder if it's made from mesquitoes."

Come to think of it, you should get that dvd anyway cause it's just bombastic. You may never stop laughing.

Battles Won and Lost in the Sands of Cambodia

The organization I have been working for here in Cambodia runs a children's home or orphanage that is located down a dirt road only a mile or so outside Siem Reap. Around 25 children live at this home and are anywhere from 11 to 19 years old. There is a lot happening here at this orphanage. Every night they study together, they eat together, and on Sundays the worship together. It is like any other home you could encounter. It is a true family feeling. There are also Widows who live at the orphanage who cook and care for the children as well and two married Cambodian couples and one Caretaker named Matt who they call Papa.

All of these things are simply orbital masses circling around the true heartbeat of the children's home. I am talking about 1800 square feet of sand where you must test your mettle and forge steel out of your calves and nerves. You must run, jump, block, set, bump, and spike. That's right. The life of the orphanage, for the boys anyway, revolves around the volleyball court. Here is where the kids' passions lie. I can see them at school watching the clock with anticipation for the time when they can leave and go to their real training ground. You can even see the younger kids watching and practicing their imaginary serve form and waiting for the older ones to get off the court so that they can practice to join the big game someday.

These young men are playing for keeps too. The loosing team must either run laps or buy the winner cokes per the pregame agreement. I have bought a few Cokes. That and the no touching the net rule are the only two rules they are stringent on however. They are not worried about carries (within reason of course), proper setting technique, rotating servers or the likes but for God's sake don't touch the net. For all that free styling method, they are still, I would consider, very good volleyball players. I am a pretty good volleyball player but there are two kids with serves that I literally can only return about half the time, even if it is hit straight to me.

I laugh because they can't know how tiring it is to be at least 140 pounds bigger than they are. I sweat to the point where the sand literally turns to mud on my ankles and lower legs. It takes me thirty minutes to wash it off in the shower when I am done. It certainly lets me know what kind of shape I am in. I cannot come to the orphanage, however, without at least playing three or four games. They won't allow it. I love it though because I have not been able to compete this fiercely since almost high school. For them, it is my whole reason for coming; why would anyone come who didn't live there except to join the game. This is their game, and just like the Sandlot, it never ends; it only pauses.

As I was waiting, during one of my only pauses of the day, for the next game to start, I was sitting under their mango tree next to a kid named Possett (I have no Idea how to spell his name). He was asking me when I was going to crush it because I have only been the setter so far today. I told him that is something I can only do under the perfect conditions. He nodded his assent and that he felt the same way.

"Do you have girlfriend?" he asked

"No I don't," I said.

"Why not?" he asked (weird question)

"I just haven't met a girl I liked," my usual answer.

"Do you have plans for future?"

"Um... not really. I will have to work some when I get back to the U.S., but I don't have any definite path for my life to follow. What about you Posset?

"I don't know what God has for me but I want to be a good husband and a good father. You have to have good job for that too though."

"Yea you need to provide. How old are you Posset?"

"I am sixteen," He answered... Pregnant pause, "Stephen, how do you feel if you see Jesus coming right now, up there, coming down (he is gesturing to a point in the sky)?"

"I don't know how I would feel Posset, I think I would feel relieved."

"Relieved is good Stephen. I would feel like now I know that it's true and it's real and I can see. That makes me very happy"

"Me too Posset. No more wondering and hoping. It's real. That will be the day."

"Yes but I still live now like that."

"Like what Posset?"

"Like no wondering. Like it's real. It's our turn for the game now." He was through with philosophy for the day. We went in and lost a close game.

Later that night, as I was leaving and saying bye, another younger kid standing with the others said "Goodbye Stephen! God bless you!"

"Thank you, I said as I climded on the back of the Moto.

"God Loves you Stephen!"

"Thank you" And so he does. And there is my hope.

Greater Power

"Ever you desire to appear lordly and wise as the kings of old."

There is no real purpose for me to put that quote on this blog today but I have had it stuck in my head today and I think it is a funny quote. This is what Denethor said to Faramir when Faramir told him he would not have brought the Ring to his father because of its ability to corrupt any man who tries to possess it. A wise decision right? Not to Denethor because he has been looking into the Palantir having his mind twisted by the Evil One. Thousands of years of wisdom and lore about this Ring and Faramir wants to heed it. How is this a trait to criticize? As I said Denethor's mind has been twisted and he has fallen into the same trap that Saruman the traitor fell into only his reaction was despair instead of lust for power.

Denethor began to think that he could do what no other man or elf in Middle Earth has ever been able to do: master the One Ring. He did not come to this decision out of pride but out of despair. He saw something was wrong and that there was a solution in reach albeit a far fetched solution. The trap, however is that his solution does not seem as far fetched as the solution that the Council came up with. Send the Ring into the country of the owner? How does that make sense? As Gandalf said "There was never much hope. Only a fool's hope." Even though it was only hope enough for a fool, it was the only avenue for complete and permanent victory. Denethor's plan, even if it had defeated Sauron, would have only rendered him temporarily disabled at best. It would have only resulted in one more delay and "watchful peace" as Tolkien so often put it, before Sauron mustered his strength again. Only the fool's hope was a chance for complete and final victory. As Denethor failed to recognize, and as the Grey Pilgrim so often reminded us, there were greater powers at work in this tale than even Sauron.

"The ring was meant to come to you Frodo, and that is an encouraging thought."

I find myself pitying Lord Denethor instead of hating him. He was able to look back on thousands of years of greatness and history and it was all about to come crashing down under his rule. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. How could I judge him? I identify with him. I find it difficult to trust in our own "fool's hope." How often do I, like Denthor, not trust or recognize that there are greater powers at work than even our own Evil One? How often do I place my plans in the hope of a diminished victory and temporary delay of the Enemy? More often than not sadly. How tempting to feel despair at being abandoned and passed over because defeat seems inevitable and the evidence of a plan or a victory is elusive?

However, whether or not I have the strength to be bolstered by this hope, victory: complete and final, has been decreed and executed and I cannot compromise this tennet.