Throw Another Stone on the Scale

I knew coming over to Cambodia that all countries have issues with body image and also that each culture has a different image that they raise up as ideal. In a month and a half here in the country the only thing I have really deciphered is that they prefer to have light colored skin. They prefer it and not in the way that we prefer dark skin where it is a joke that we don't really care about. I have met a couple of women whose bride price (money paid to the family for betrothal) was exorbitant and I seriously would not have given these women a second look. But they have pale skin and this makes them valuable and beautiful. Dark skin can really make a person unattractive to a Cambodian, whereas western men and women can still be desirable with very light skin. Other than that I cannot point to any clear marks of what beauty is in this culture.

Despite this mystery I have discovered that there is one trait that they focus on and that is weight. The reason that I am confused though is that I cannot clearly tell how they feel about it. In any case, I will give this advice to any person coming to this country and possibly elsewhere in Southeast Asia. If you have issues with your weight and body image, this is not the place to be. We westerners here laugh about it because of their skewed view of size. Some of the people I know that they call fat are not even close to thick in western culture. It really is funny because I can never tell what exactly they are implying when they say the word fat. I don't think they mean it in the way that people in America mean it as a gross or taboo word, but I still can't completely shake the feeling that it is not a desirable trait for them and therefore not exactly a complement when stated about someone else.

There are a few mitigating factors which contribute to my quandary. Article number one is the flippancy and freedom with which they comment on weight here. Nothing said that freely can be thought of as insulting. It just wouldn't make sense to be that freely insulting right? I have been told a couple of times that I was fat and there was no hint of smile, joke, or derisiveness in the face of the speaker. It seemed to simply be a quantitative observation with no thought, positive or negative, to quality. I mean Ezra and his wife call me "Mr. Hippo" and ask me when my baby is due for goodness sake. Article number two, however, leads me in another direction. I have only seen one or two or three Khmer people in this whole city that are not completely thin. I mean really thin. I mean less than one hundred for the women probably and less than 130 for the men. I mean the biggest guy at the children's home is literally less than half my size. What's more is that I have overheard a couple of conversations where a Khmer girl has commented on her weight like she was self conscious. Her friends told her that her face was getting big. I can't be completely sure if she was bothered by this. I certainly don't think she was in a western sense, but I still could not escape the thought that it seemed to be something that she wasn't pleased with.

All that being said and including my run-in with Shining from a couple of posts ago, I am not sure what Khmer are intending when they use the word fat. Since I don't have very many issues with my body image, this candidness doesn't bother me as much as it confuses me. In any case, I gave you this abstract of the cultural study I have been conducting in order to introduce a short exchange that took place between Kagna and me after class one day a few weeks ago. She had only been in class for three days which made the conversation even better to me.

"Alright class you are dismissed and I will see you Monday. We will be discussing the past simple tense." The thing that I think is the most humorous about teaching Asians is you almost have to kick them out of your class. You cannot just say "that's it. See you Monday." They will wait quietly in their seats for some kind of sign that they may leave. I'm never really sure how explicit I have to be as I do not want to resort to just telling them to leave. It always makes for an awkward outro. Anyways, they finally started shuffling out and Kagna was the last to leave and she said something to me that I didn't catch.

"Do what, Kagna?"

"Teacha, you should do exercise." She was making a feminine bicep flexing motion as she said this which, along with her accented English, made me kind of smile to myself.

"Yea, exercise is good." (The only response I can ever think of.)

"Yes, you should do exercise because you so fot (fat)"

"Jeez. Yea maybe I will. Thank you for the suggestion."

Yes, You should. Take care you hot (heart)."

"I'll do that. Thanks for the advice Kagna. See ya Monday."

"Yes, you welcome. Bye Bye, Teacha"

You're welcome? I suppose I should be grateful.